Sometimes it’s really obvious when someone is being transphobic towards you, for example if there is physical violence or an easily identifiable insult. But other time’s it’s less clear. It’s important to remember that even if someone doesn’t mean to be -phobic towards you, it can still have a transphobic effect. For example, if someone enforces the gender rules by telling a trans woman politely that she can’t use the female toilet, or someone else uses ‘humour’ based on the gender rules as a put-down, it is still transphobia.
So transphobia can manifest in two main ways: it can be active (intentionally going against gender variant people) or passive (not recognising or allowing for the fact that gender variance exists)